Friday, October 31, 2008

Heartache for a Heartbeat

Yesterday we received devastating news at the doctor's office. Our baby has not developed properly and has no heartbeat. We've known for a week that there was a possibility that something could be wrong. I had a sonogram last Wednesday and there was only a tiny little flicker of a heartbeat. The sack was only measuring at 5 weeks and should have been measuring at 9. The heartbeat wasn't quite as strong or as fast as it should have been. My doctor had me come back after a week, telling me that some women come back and everything is perfectly normal, but he did let me know that there could be something wrong. Yesterday it was confirmed that the baby had not grown, the sack looked like it was collapsing in on itself, and no heartbeat was found.

It was a very rough day for Jared and me. The tears came in waves throughout the day, and came gushing last night as I was trying to get to sleep. We know God has a purpose for everything, but not knowing "WHY" has been very hard. We're continuing to pray for acceptance of this will of God's, and I know time will bring that, but for now our hearts are just hurting.

Charlotte has been doing her best to keep us cheered up. We are even more grateful for her now. If this had happened with our first pregnancy, I think it would have been even harder for us to handle. But she has been a sweet light of joy for us, especially these past two days, and is keeping a smile on our faces. She is such a precious gift from God. We are praising Him for all He's done and we know that He is watching our little baby up in Heaven.

Here are some of the moments that have made us smile...

Jared thought she was playing with me. I thought she was playing with him. The result is that she had enough time to rearrange the bottom two shelves of books.

Helping me decide which colors we should paint where on the house

A rare moment of sweet cuddles

Playing in the ottoman that we keep some of her toys in


Florida Girl said...

I typed out several messages on Facebook, only to erase each one. It is so hard to find the words that will mean enough. I haven't experienced this kind of pain and loss and I have never struggled to conceive either. I know nothing compared to what you and others live with. I do know that when Heaven is our ultimate home that loved ones and families are reunited and I guess this is the best thing to say. Baby Rollins is not lacking for anything at this moment but it is so hard for those left behind with derailed plans and dreams suddenly altered. The song Love Them Like Jesus by Casting Crowns just came to mind. I am thinking of you and Jared a lot tonight and will continue to pray for your family as the days and weeks go by.

Unknown said...

I am so, so sorry, Brittany (and Jared). Just let your hearts grieve. It is heart-wrenching to lose a baby. I don't really have any words but I am praying for y'all.

Love, Aunt Cindy

luke and wyatt's mom said...

My heart is aching for you and Jared today. I am so sorry for your loss and can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. I do know this: that our God is the same today as He was yesterday as He was last week as He will be tomorrow. And that precious life lost here on earth is with our Jesus right now! We love you guys and will continue to pray for you.

Anna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna said...

Brittany, I want you to know that I love you and am praying for the Lord to heal your heart, as well as Jared's. I love ya'll dearly!

Lehmansterms said...

I am praying for comfort for you and Jared. I cannot imagine the heartache. I pray most often and fervently for you at night because I know for me, that's when the busyness is gone and we have a moment to think and the pain comes back. We love you and your sweet family! May God give you peace and comfort as only He can!

Jeannie said...

Sweet Brittany,
My heart was so sad as I heard your news. I have been where you are and remember that news very vividly and it is so hard! I am praying for you and Jared to feel God's loving arms wrapped around you like never before. Just know that when you reach Heaven you will have a precious little one awaiting your arrival. I know that doesn't ease the pain right now. I am also glad that you have little Charlotte to keep you smiling and by the pictures it looks like she is doing a pretty good job! She is such a little mess! I love you and let me know if you need anything! James and I will be lifting you up in prayer!

Anonymous said...

Hey guys- praying for you this morning and that you will experience the kind of peace that only God can give. In HIS time, he will show you his plans. Until then, we'll be praying for him to comfort each of you.

Anonymous said...

God Bless you and your family! I will be praying for you.


April Snyder and Ashley Burrell said...

I am sooo sooo sorry to hear this, I know you have heard this a lot but we will be praying for you, I would be just devistated if that happened to me and it could but just know God is in control, a couple stories I wanted to tell you that would make me feel better... my mother-in-law lost two babies before having my sister in law and my husband, they only wanted two kids, so I look at it as if God hadn't allowed that to happen, these two people wouldn't be here today and they are both gifted People of God, my husband is going to be a pastor and my sister in law is an awesome example of a Godly woman and mother! Another story I heard that just touched my heart was a family that struggled with miscarriage, the day she lost her last baby, exactly one year later her only son was born on that exact day, and that day was no longer a grieving day but a joyful day, so God just may have something in store, maybe next year on this aweful dredful day, you will be blessed with another one! I hope these stories didn't make you feel worse but I hope they lifted your spirits a little! I just never know what to say for anyone going through this but we love you and will be praying for you!
Ashley Burrell